i need help

[disgruntled]

i just had a really bad class at muay thai where my body pretty much gave out on me (again) and i have had enough. i need to get healthy again and i need advice a to how to. i will explain why i am so out of shape:

the last year and a half has been has been almost the most difficult time in my life, not the worst, but right up there. every part of my life that was important to me came crashing down. i had a big falling out with one of my brothers where he told me that he doesn't care if we never speak to eachother again. got rejected from a grad school program (learning is the most important thing to me). bounced around from job to job and got fired from one. needless to say my finances were a source of stress. my grandpa died. had a falling out with my hapkido master (who was the closest thing i had to a father figure). broke my foot while trying to solve my stress with MA and working out. i had a serious agoraphobic attack. hell, i even had a falling out at the internet forum i went to. to top everything off i medicated myself with alcohol, cigars, comfort food, and a couple of unhealthy relationship.

i am telling you this so you know where i am coming from and because even talking about thing that bug you is theraputic (sp?) and i am sure we have all had similar experiences where everything just falls apart around you and you have to pick your self up and get back on track.

which i did. cut back on all the unhealthy stuff. eating good now. and i am really mentally strong, so i have worked through my issues and took responsibility for my short comings and realized that i cannot control all aspects or people in my life. learnt that it does no good dwelling on the negative because nothing in life is fixed, neither the good or the bad, every thing can change in the blink of a eye so try to enjoy every moment (still working on this one ). i got into grad school and am doing that right now. got a good part time job with good people. in other words i am really happy with my life right now and everything is finally sorted out. but i find that right after a very stressful time, i crash. it is like my body and mind say "k, i got you through this, now i need to rest".

so the problem is, and why i need help, is to get myself active again. i expect my self to be able to just bounce back from this and be in shape again and it does not work that way. and i do not trust my body as much anymore. when i tried to releave my stress with working out and i really needed my body to be there for me, it failed me and broke (the infamous "stress fracture"). and i realize that it is illogical to blame my body for my problems and fear getting back into shape because the same thing might happen again. especially because after reading up on stress fractures they are caused by improper running technique that can be fixed.

i even have an idea as to how to get back into shape. i want to start swimming, nice and low impact, and start running, and gradually increasing the distance. obviously go to MA more. stretch more. and i got some free weights at home i can use, but i won't add them in until i need to advance my routine.

the help i need and why i told you about all the crap i went through is, i need to get some good ideas as to how i can motivate my self and snap myself out of my rut. it is one thing to motivate yourself when you are just lazy. i can do that.... but then you are exhuated and burnt out, that is another thing. i gave my self a lot of time to relax and chill, maybe too much time. now i have to get active and healthy again. advise please.

heck just posting this message is already great motivation because i know if i do not start to do something you guys can pester me about it

[Hatori]

I'd like to start with a big THANK YOU. Up to today I believed that I was the only person suffering but to know that that other people have problems and difficulties in their life has really helped.My life almost ended for me last year. I too have had the worst 2 years of my life. My wife and I separated after 7 years, I was stuck in the worst job and everything was just going awfully! I have never been close with my family so I endured most of my torment ALONE! Because of my mental state I became a virtual hermit, cutting myself of from contact with people and walking around with a face like a smacked ass! I felt the only things positive in my life were my cats and focused on them, ignoring pretty much everyone else.

Some things are slowing changing, I have moved house, changed job, re-started friendships with people I haven't spoken to for years (Thanks SHIRINDO!) and thought things were on the up but spending Christmas ALONE for the first time in years started to bring me down again but I am trying to work my way through things. I have restarted excising and due to being a bit of a raspberry-ripple with my knees, swimming is proving to be the best choice I have made. I am now looking for training as moving to a new area has kinda buggered up my old martial art training.

I would again like to thank MISGRUNTLED again for her inspiring message which took a lot of guts to post so NICE ONE!

[rolltroll]

heres an idea, it takes some will power.
do a set number of push ups throughout the day, start with say 20, your goal should be around 300-400 for the day, same idea for sit up only do a little more, and cardio can be running in place,jump rope or anything that gets your heart rate up, do this for at least 45 minutes, allthough jump rope might be a little extream for recovering from a broken foot. if jogging isnt a strong piont you do burn the same amount of cals from walking and hour as you do from running an hour so load a back pack with about 35 pound and ruck march for an hour. but dont forget to loosen up your ankles and pay special care to the recovering foot.
just an idea

[disgruntled]

thank you for posting Hatori, i felt a little silly posting that and was tempted to delete the post. i am glad i left it up and that it helped you as well.

thanks for the suggestion rolltroll. my foot is healed now, but once you get one stress fracture you are more susceptable to more later, so i still have to be careful. the push up idea is a great one. a sports trainer at my old forum (spinach for those that know him here) gave me a routine where you do 5 push ups 5 times a day and then move up to 8 then 10 and up. it does not feel like you are doing much work, but it really adds up over time. i will start that again.

you will be happy to know that i woke up early today and went swimming for half an hour. because my asthma is so bad right now i could only do 2 laps of front crawl at a time before i could not breathe so i concentrated on back crawl. so at least i took one good step in the right direction. i am going to get a skipping rope too this week so i can jump rope during the commercials of my fav shows.

[sirdarksol]

I can't give you much in the way of advice, but I can give you support.
Everyone has issues. Some are bigger than others. I've heard about most of this stuff, either on here or on Martial-Forums, and, all-told, it seems like you have had a pretty rotten year.
But I also know, from your posts, that you're a strong woman, and can overcome this.
Alcohol: I drink periodically, so I can't condemn it, but I have made it a point to not drink when I'm feeling crappy.
Smoking: I've never smoked or taken tobacco in any form.
Eating: This one I can give you some help on. Pick five healthy things you really, really like. Make a commitment to try them before turning to comfort food. If they don't do the trick, then go ahead, indulge. Often, the act of eating is all you need, and by picking healthy things you like, you're more likely to turn to them.
Bad Relationships: I can recognize them in my friends, but I've learned that only one person can help you if you get yourself into bad relationships, you. I've tried, many times, to help friends who get into such relationships, and I don't change anything (except for to sometimes make things worse, because someone "in love" will actually rail against advice they don't want to hear, even if they asked for it)

Health, both mental and physical.
I think that it would behoove you to take up an introspective physical art of some sort. Tai Chi, Yoga, Kyudo (if you can find a dojo), Naginata-do (again, if you can find a dojo), and even Bellydancing (not a martial art, but that's a serious suggestion). These arts calm your mind while giving you time to think. Bellydancing also has the advantage of giving yourself a stronger image of yourself as a woman (so I have been told. I've got a bunch of friends who Bellydance). This has the possibility of helping you with your bad relationships issue.
This doesn't need to be anything really dedicated. Tai Chi, Yoga, and Bellydance, in particular, lend themselves well to taking a couple of introductory classes, maybe buying a couple of videos, and practicing at home.
Harder martial arts have their place in bleeding off steam, but, by nature, they put the mind in a more violent, restless state. In my opinion, this needs to be balanced in some way.

Also, consider picking up a book by Thich Nhat Hahn. He is a Zen Buddhist Master (you have probably heard me talk about him before. I just love this guy's writing. I hope to visit him at Plum Village, in France, sometime in my life). In particular, the book with "Anger" in the title, or the book with "Mindfulness" in the title. Some of the stuff he suggests for meditation seems kind of silly to begin with, but as opposed to many other texts on meditation, Hahn does a very good job of showing why things hurt us, and how we can shed that hurt. It still feels kind of New Agey to suggest these things to other people, but he's been such a big influence in my life that I have to make the suggestion.

Again, though, the biggest thing that I can offer is support. However you try to make your life better, I think you're strong enough to do it, but you've got to remember that, as social creatures, part of our individual strength comes from others (it's contradictory, but it's true). I've been there myself (a couple of times), and I know that I would not have come out of it without my friends and family.

[Shirindo]

Disgruntled:

I too think it was very brave of you to post that. I am one of the lucky ones who whilst not having the best year, I have had a good year and am lucky to have the support of my wife and family.

On the training note; Spinach and Rolltroll's idea of doing small numbers of push-ups etc but regularly through the day is an excellent method. I started doing this myself and went from only being able to do 40 push-ups in one go to about 200!!! Wish I still could


Hatori:

Mate, I knew things hadn't been good for you recently but had no idea it was that bad - sorry for not being more aware. For whatever little I've done (if anything) you're more than welcome. You know where I am if you need me at all.

[disgruntled]

all of you guys are the best!

i have been thinking of starting yoga, but it gets a little too expensive with MA, and swimming (now).... especially when you are a student living off of loans, grants and a part-time job..... but my mom has some videos, so i could use those.... we could even do them together after sunday lunch (or before depending on how heavy lunch is), that would be great for both of us.

good point about the zen books. i have started meditating again using the teaching from the dharmapada to concentrate on. (i even have one of the teachings tattooed on my wrist so i can always remind myself of it: 141. Niether wandering around naked, nor matted hair, nor mud, Neither fasting, nor sleeping on hard ground, Nor dust and dirt, nor asture acts in the crouching posture, Cleanses a mortal who has not transcended doubts.)

[sirdarksol]

Around here, we've got community education, where you can usually find a beginner's yoga class (or Tai Chi or weightlifting or bellydance or karate) for around $30. This runs for several weeks, and teaches enough that you'd have a solid basis to work with when watching the videos. Not sure what you socialist Canadians have (sorry, I'm on another forum where there's this big discussion about government health care, and how it would be a travesty if the US utilized a "socialist" program, and my cynicism is carrying over from that), but if you've got anything like that, it would be something to check out. A couple of colleges around here also have yoga clubs, which are cheap or free and open to the public.